I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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