My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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