i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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