There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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