Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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