Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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