My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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