Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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