On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am one with the molecules
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
