I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
