fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
