my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
