Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
