I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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