I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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