in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
