I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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