the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
