Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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