What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
