So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You work out of a Hotel?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
