did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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