I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm like, not good at living.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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