It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
