I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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