I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
