Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
