I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
