She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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