I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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