Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
