We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
