I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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