I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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