I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I deserve this hangover.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
