I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
