I seem to have left my pride at pride
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
