Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
