I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
