im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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