Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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