I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
