One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is my gift to your gina
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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