Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
