if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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