No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
