this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
