the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
