Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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