break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
