I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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