my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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