My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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