did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
