Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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