Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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