I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
