and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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