3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
