I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
