White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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