I'm really into asian looking animals
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
