you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
