just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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