You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
