He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
