I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
