Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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