Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
