Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
