Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
