i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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