sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
