apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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