You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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