I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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