did you get engaged???
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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