I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
