Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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